Mission: Shopping

05.06.2005Osebno

It is a mission. A military exercise. Always was, always will be. No question about it. And going shopping with someone requires a great deal of concentration, strenght and stamina.

Friday afternoon is most certainly not a good time to shop. Proven by yours truly and Baya. The location: BTC, Citypark. It feels like walking into a true battlefield. Lots of people, lots of tensions and lots and lots of pressure.

I really don`t know where is the pleasure in standing in a room full of (sweaty) people, waiting in line to go into that small cabin and to try out a pair of pants only to realise that they are too something for you. Back of the line, soldier! You could almost hear the helicopters combing the battlefield while the infantry made its attack. My idea of shopping is blitzkrieg. Know the target, know the size and then just go in, do the job and go out. Time from insertion to extraction must be under fifteen minutes. Otherwise you are more screwed than those poor bastards in Mogadishu.

I am glad Baya shares the same feelings. Not that it would present an impossible obstacle, but it would make our lives slightly complicated. Shopping is a lot like sailing. You don`t do it with a person unless you know her/him really well. Cause when the shit hits the fan and you are in the middle of the sea or in the middle of a huge shopping mall (same thing, just replace sharks from no. 1 scenario with people in no. 2 scenario) it`s too late to scream mayday! and hope the Carpathia will hear your call. I should know. I`ve been there.

The thing I hate the most is shopping for clothes. And the phrase I hate even more is “Let`s check out the other store too!” when you already found the perfect pair of pants, also known as PPP (if in fact, such thing would exist). In a theory of functionality which I try to apply, shopping is a black hole. There`s not explanation for it. It`s not just exchanging the money for the goods. There`s a whole psychological thing going on in the back. And while shopping for something that I am going to wear on my ass, I try to keep the psychology out. Thank you very much.