This is a picture of a dead horse. It is, at the same time, a picture of my mental state. On my back, all fours in the air, and the fifth one limp. My head feels like [insert a very descriptive phrase of an aching head] and my whole body feels limp. This day was definitely not worth the trip. I just don`t understand, where do these people get the energy to fight like that? What drives them? Where does it all coming from? I kept quiet most of the time and I still feel that my head is going to explode. I just don`t understand why do people waste their energy like that. Why do they bleed in such a way? I hold my armour high on the outside, but inside, I bleed a thousand times. I die a thousand times. I can still hear their screams.
After they were done I left. I walked through the city, trying to blend in, to get the voices out and into the surroundings. It did not work. I bought some more “thingies” for Her present, going to patch it up tonight. Pieces are coming together. It feels good. Building something. Creating from scratch.
Resting now, drinking some vanilla tea, calming down. I`ll be ok.