There is something about the last few hours before any public performance that I take place in. I don`t know what exactly is it, where lies the secret or the key, but it`s there every time.
It`s not so much as being nervous or think that everything`ll go to hell and the stage will start to burn and little dwarves will break in and take the lost ring of power (sorry, little too much drama), but it`s a special (good) feeling.
People ask me from time to time, do I ever feel nervous. Unpleasantly. And it`s funny but in all my performing career (sounds a little too posh but still…), I always felt this good “anticipating-christmas-morning” feeling. And it always comes when there`s an oral presentation involved. When stuff comes up where I have to write things down, there`s no good feeling. There`s no anticipation. There`s just…something completely different. Something heavy and tiresome.
I hope someone will come and sit in on my lecture. The topic is interesting and like I said before, you can laugh with me or at me. There`s going to be plenty of opportunities to do both I think. Like always.
The streets are full of snow that is falling from the rooftops, melting away. Every once in a while you hear the “ssssshhhhhhh” and “pooooof”, sometimes followed by a “WTF!” or/and laughter.
Funny thing happened on the way to my feeding post. The place was packed, and only two tables were free. Most of the clientele consisted of couples, kissing and holding hands, eating, talking. I sat down, ordered my stuff and tried to be as invisible as one can possibly be. And then in walks another couple. I am sorry I did not take my camera with me but anyway, think drop dead gorgeous brunette. And her escort. And all the male animals in the barn looked at her at the exact same moment, almost like there was a time-frame precision. And then, at another time-frame percision style, all other female animals pulled their faces back in “position one” and started kissing them. It was so funny. Like I was watching a dance or something. In perfect sync.
I wrote about “ownership” component of relationships before and it still amazes me from time to time. Sometimes I even amaze myself. Reacting with a reflex to “own” somebody. Not being aware that the freedom is exactly the component that makes it work. That creates the magic. That the border brings two people close. Two worlds touching, but not overlapping.
It`s been a reasonably peaceful day. I almost killed the CC lawyer. I was not aware that she was in the office, working, and I opened the door and gave her heart a boost. Ups. Ah well…she`ll thank me later.
I am taking the american and the canadian to another location for two days. Workshops and stuff. Showing them the other site(s). Hope they`ll be treated nicely. And it`s only for two days (sheesh, I`m talking like a mother who is sending her kids on vacation for the first time).
The skies and sun are screaming again. Gorgeous day.