…have absolutely no sense of culture. No sense of consideration for others. And again, I am extremely lucky.

No, seriously. How else, if not by sheer luck, I would get tickets between two of the most annoying couples in this country. Let me introduce them…

couple no.1 – the blabber-mouths. You know, guy trying to impress a girl with talking all the time. Saying things like “Ha! I drank gasoline before! It does not taste half as bad as they are trying to depict!” (this actually happened when I went to see Three kings. Remember the part where they kidnap one of them, shove a CD in his mouth and then pour raw oil down his throat? That`s it). You give them the look. Then you give them the whisper. Then you say to them nicely “Please shut the fuck up” and twenty seconds later they are still talking. And seriously, what is there to talk about? You went to see a movie, not talk to your girlfriend. One of the main reasons I hate cinema.

couple no. 2 – the feeders. Yes, it`s almost like they are not allowed to eat at home, so they go somewhere dark and pig out. Loud. Slurping, chewing with their mouth open, making noises with popcorn, candy… for fuck sakes people! Go pig somewhere else!

There are three ways you can deal with this. You can call the usher (highly hypothetical, since you`d have to get up, walk out, come back…), you can try to ignore them and hope that some sense will come into their (higly gruesome image, don`t say I did not warn you!!) pig brains or you can a) fake a coughing attack, spitting all over their popcorn and candies b) stand up, turn around, move really close to the guy talking and yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” while pieces of spit and saliva crust fly out of your mouth or c) start bashing people`s faces in. Although c) is higly, higly hypotetical.

I don`t get why people are doing this in the first place. And why isn`t there someone from the security “shuush!” detail present at all shows. And why am I always so lucky.