Star crap


You know you see the last part of the trilogy and you come out excited and with a feeling of content that you saw a great thing end and now the world is a better place and you are one step closer to completion?

Well, not in this case.

It began in the year 1999 with the Phantom Menace. Everybody were excited beyond reason that the new and improved star wars is coming and with it another five years of excitement and anticipation of what the next part will bring. And when you actually went and see it, you were shocked. At how poor it was. And just how much it sucked. Jar Jar Binks? Come fucking on! Pod racing? Boo hoo fucking hoo!

But you told yourself, c`mon, this is just part one, the next two are surely going to be better. Part one is all about introducing new characters, setting the scene, you cannot expect them to dish all out in the first third of the game, right?

Then came year 2002 and with it, The attack of the clones. Everybody were excited, saying “OK, this is it! This is war, carnage! They are going to rip the Republic apart, we are going to see the teachings of the Darth Vader and all will be well!“. But when they actually saw the movie, there was nothing in it but kissie-kissie scenes between Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen and some poor acting by Ewan McGregor. War? Carnage? Only in a few scenes. And again, it was nothing like the old Star Wars. The true star wars.

And finally, the year 2005 with the Revenge of the Sith. The end of the story. The climax. The mother of all movies. Or so they said.

In reality, we just witnessed one of the classic butchering of a classic movie for a profit. Star Wars III: The revenge of the Sith is pure crap. It beings a lot like Phantom Menace, with two Jedi Knights trying to save “something/somebody”. And failing at it. Then you have some shoot-out in space, ships flying around and defying physics (seriously…THERE IS NO FUCKING SOUND IN SPACE!!!). Not to mention vast explosions in space and alike. Horrible stuff really. And my last contact with physics was almost five years ago. Then you have some meaningless dialogues about how the Republic is in peril and how everything will come to an end (you still have to wait almost two fucking hours for that, but they keep talking about it), then some more action, the final fight, the last kissie-kissie scene and the name George Lucas. And that my friends is what the new star wars are all about.

Another black mark goes to the crappy dialogues. And when I say crappy, I mean “Seventh heaven” kind of crap. And it`s like Georgie boy told them to be clumsy and play like Madonna. There`s no emotions and even when emotions should start flowing out of the screen, when Obi-Wan discoveres that Anakin has changed side and he is now playing for the dark side, throwing away the teachings of Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan just goes “I cannot watch this” with a voice like he just realised that he ran out of beer and he should get up and get some. And on second thought, even the beer line would be delivered with more feelings.

In the end, it feels like watching a part of a Beverly Hills serie. Lousy acting, crappy script, the only thing worth seeing this movie is the ten minutes, scattered over two hours of a movie and the music. John Williams does his job. And he does it well. But for listening to music, you don`t have to see this movie. I just wish I never saw Phantom Menace and the Attack of the Clones. And keep the star wars in my mind as something good and close to perfect. Instead of knowing that Georgie went over to the dark side as well. The side of profit, cheesy dialogues and crappy acting. This is not Star Wars. This is star crap. In all its awe and glory.


11 komentarjev na “Star crap

  1. Michael M.

    Did somebody say Part 7?

    I agree with Domen. I saw it today, and laughed out loud when Vader screams “Noooo!” during the dramatic finale. It might have worked with better actors, I suppose.

  2. Domen

    I don`t think actors are the problem. McGregor, Portman and Jackson are class A actors. The problem is in George Lucas. And the script-writers. Like I said, “Seventh heaven”. And the “Nooooo” scene is just the tip of the ice-berg. I swore that if Natalie Portman says “Come with me to Naboo” one more time, I was going to get up and leave the theater.

  3. Gary

    I agree totally. I used to really like the original trilogy and began to hate each movie more and more. I wouldn t say that 3 is the worst but I don t really want to judge them against each other. Just the overwhekming contemp George has for his audience is sad. I am going to try to avoid all starwars merchandising ie buy a coke instead if a pepsi with yoda on it.
    I hope this is the last we hear of the George Lucas movies.

  4. CCfly

    Wait a second original triology rules and new one sucks ? And arguments are defiance of physics and logic, bad acting, bad script, linear story ?
    Perhaps you missed a glowing sign “space opera” on those 6 movies. It was allways meant as light entertainment for grown up children. It was meant to be just fun nothing more.

  5. Domen

    I am not expecting shakespeare. What I am expecting is quality fun. Just like the first three. Who had witty dialogues, clever jokes and stereotypes that worked. Unlike these new ones…

  6. john anderson

    I think revenge of the sith was a great flick and the first 2 were ok and the other three were good because they were the first of the movies to be released and the best part of the story.
    I dont think anyone should judge the movies they were what they were. The movies followed the story so if your a real fan you have read the story and you already knew what the movies were about before you went to watch them.
    Don’t play ignorant and act surprised about how the movie turned out. We all knew what the hell was going to happen.So all we had to do was decide if that part of the story was worth watching. If you went to see it obviously you did. For the crybabies that keep saying the first part sucked then 2 sucked now 3 sucked well winyasses why did you keep wasting your money duh?


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