OK, first of all, no, this was not a movie of choice. We just got tickets and it would be a shame to waste it. This being said…read on.
Comedies and family movies are tricky. Very tricky. On one hand you have the divine art of comedy, something that is very hard to master and where movies seldom peak in excellency and on the other hand you have family movies which emphesise values and teach the (younger) viewers lessons of life. Be good, stay in school, work hard and stuff like that. I was always amazed at the brutality these lessons are brought on the screen, no camoflauge, just point blank between the eyes. Blam!
Disney is the biggest teacher on the planet. His cartoons are always full of lessons, teachings of older wiser men which are passed down to kids. Donald Duck says obey!
However, another thing that is connected with older men is sex. And Disney movie Herbie: Fully loaded is full of it.
Now don`t get me wrong, the sex part is not as balant as the lessons. I heard that the main actress, Lindsay Lohan had to undertake digital breast reduction so that she will appeal more to the younger audience.
The story is simple. A girl comes back into her old town, hooks up with a buddy, then goes on a car dump, finds a car (Herbie), is not pleased with it at the beginning since the car has a mind of its own, races with it, argues with her father who does not want to see her race, beats the champion, champion gets mad, tries to destroy Herbie, fails, Herbie saves the girl trying to save him, they win the ultimate race, end of story. Happy End.
Nothing too shocking, like Herbie would suddenly saw the movie Christine and decided it was time for a make-over, nor does Lindsay decide it was high time she gets some hard-core action in the back of a VW Beetle.
Where does the sex part come in?
Well, to me, this is a story about a girl who wants to have sex. Just think about it, she is surrounded by men and the only thing they have in common are cars. So if all men have a penis=car and she has a VW Beetle… Racing is a subsitute for sex. Her father does not want her to race cause of the “accident” and he is afraid he will lose her. So he buys her a dildo=Herbie, thinking it will take her mind off racing. But the car does quite the opposite thing. So now we have a teenager drunk with hormones, running all over the place, meeting all sorts of guys and “racing” with them.
Funny thing is, since it`s a Disney movie everything explicit is censored. For example, her father, angry at her since she wants to race says something like “I busted my butt to get you here“… while the correct phrase would be “Busted my balls…“. Nobody curses when they crash their car and there are no fatal accidents. They just flip over and come out OK. Sure, no biggy.
The movie is riddled with product placements, from ESPN to clothes to cars and the funniest thing of the whole movie is when a camera pans over the racing cars waiting for the beginning of the race and in large blue letters, there it is…VIAGRA. Smooth, Disney…really smooth.
All in all, it`s a classic family movie. Don`t go see it if you are expecting a real deal. But if you want to see what the adults of tomorrow are going to be like and how movies are brainwashing the youth, Herbie is the weapon of choice. Come to think of it, it says so in the title. Fully loaded with adds.
Another thing I do not get is the hugging sequence part. You know, a guy reaches over with his arm for a hug and the girl moves away. Why do they do that? I mean seriously, what do we teach our kids here? Don`t hug? Get involved in street racing (which is illegal) but for the love of god don`t let your date hug you?
All in all, a walking, talking commercial. Nothing more and nothing less.