It`s actually quite funny when you think of it. Going back to school I mean. You know how something big is about to happen and yet you find yourself worrying about the least important detail? “If I die today and they find my body, do I really wanna wear THESE boxer shorts?” or “The fire destroyed the house. Fuck! Now I`ll never get those dvds back!”
The thing I am concerned with (I stopped using the verb worrying a year ago) is social engineering. Most importantly, will I be able to fit in?
You see, I should graduate and be long gone from the Uni. Instead, I found myself exploiting every loophole there is. First I changed course. Then I failed and took the class again. Then I took a break for a year. And now here I am again, glancing at the calendar, seeing the count up to the first of october.
My classmates will be as old as my sister. Which is three years younger than I am. I always kind of compare everything with our age difference. I don`t think I could ever date a girl three years younger (thank blog Baya is way off the chart here). I know that the meaning of age differences disappear as you get older but still, there will always be that after-taste and a little voice in my head going “They`re the same age as your sister“.
I worry about not fitting in cause of two reasons. Myself and they. As you probably noticed, I tend to have an ego problem (people in the back going – no shit, sherlock!) and I sometimes subconciously look down and talk down to people. It`s in my blood. I cannot help it if the others are stoopid (Oh-oh. You see what I am talking about?). Another thing is that people that study journalism are usually full of themselves and are unable to interact and co-work with others, especially the new guys on the block (hm, I feel like I am talking into a mirror and the mirror talks back). That and the age difference are not helping. Plus I`ll be a stranger. Someone new. I know they are suppose to be open and extrovert but you never know. With my luck I could stumble in the most introvert group of people that probably have their own church going on and hate newcomers, chasing them away with fire and acid. OK, it`s probably not that bad. They probably use something more modern than fire and acid.
All in all, I am witnessing something completely new. Something that was non-existent in my life for almost a year. And something that is coming back in grand style, full-time.
Don`t worry, I am not afraid of it. I am not one of those people who after a year “in the field” realise that school sucks and that they never want to go back. This is more of a stage-fright. Right before the grand opening of a show you`ve been creating for the past year.
In the end everything will work out fine, things will run smooth and I won`t have a worry in the world. Like always 😉