This last job spawned an interesting debate whether matter wins over mind. More exactly, what is the price of your peace of mind.

You see, they told me to get the fuck out of there today. Just because the employee that told me that was yelled at by our boss a day ago. Chain of command I guess. Shit travells down. Now, the whole incident upset me greatly and while I was walking around, cooling off, I tried to make some reason out of it.

What is it worth to you?

I know that shit happens. And I know that not everybody is going to treat me the way I deserve. And I guess it all comes down to the question just how bad do you need something. And just how much others are aware of that fact (not entirely correct grammar, but what the hell…).

My dad always say that I`ll have to put up with a lot of shit in my life and there is no easy way. I understand and know that. I am aware of the fact that not everybody is going to pass out from sheer excitement the second I walk through the door. Which is fine. I don`t want that. For one, it would suck going to a concert. Or go see a movie. People passing out all around.

But on the other hand, mistreating someone and healing your own wounds by tormenting others is wrong. No matter how bad your own pain is, you cannot just walk around, taking it out on others.

Yesterday my boss came in and saw me doing nothing. He then asked why wasn`t I doing anything and I told him that I am waiting for someone to tell me where and how to print the documents I was scanning. The guy totally freaked out, walked out, yelled at someone at the other side of the building, came back and told me in a really calm voice “Here. Go print. And when you`re done printing, go home.” The stuff was massive so when I come in today, the guy that the boss yelled at (and the guy that bugged me about when the stuff is going to be done) comes to me and says “We don`t need you anymore. We can do this on our own. Just go home. We`ll call you.”

Two ways you can handle that. Bite yourself in the tongue, smile, fill out your card and go home. And then like a good dog come when they come a-calling. The pay is good (5EU/h) and the work is not too much. The atmosphere sucks though. And if that guys bothers me about “is it done yet?“, I am afraid I might go nuts. Not like postal nuts but in a way that I will only hurt myself. I can be like that. I worry and eat myself up.

The almost exact thing happened with the lawyer. She wanted me on her team. I said no. I did not like her attitude. I did not like the person. I guess I always choose person over the job. Is that because that`s who I am…or because I could afford to?

Money…or fame?