Anthony Zimmer

31.01.2006Filmi

Ze french are at it again. This time, they went thriler style by filming Anthony Zimmer. In it, they tried to combine “The usual suspects” and “Mission: Impossible” . Needles to say, they failed miserably. But let us not jump ahead of the gun.

Anthony Zimmer is the greatest criminal alive. Supposedly. He`s in the money laundering business and the police is after him like some si.bloggers are after the Depeche mode tickets. In other words, they are going bonkers.

But, being the greatest criminal alive, he is super-elusive and super-something-else-which-justifies-the-current-non-apprehention-
status-by-the-police-force.

The story begins with Anthony Zimmer`s girlfriend receiving a letter from Anthony, ordering her to get on a train and pick a schmuck at random, seduce him so that the police will think the poor schumck is Anthony. Why would police think that? Well, nobody really knows how Anthony Zimmer looks like. And on top of that, he just had a face operation. Which is kind of reduntant, but you know ze french. Zey want sekurity!

She meets the schmuck on the train and seduces him Which is not a very hard thing to do since she is Sophie Marceau and he is…well…a schmuck. They go to a hotel, with the police watching their every move and the next day some guys try to kill him (some way to start your vacation, huh?). The russian mafia. Apparently, Anthony and mobsters had some dispute over who gets the bigger portion of caviar or something (later on we find out it`s about the money ) and the poor schmuck is chased all across the scenic surroundings by two men with gunz. Barefooted, he runs to the police and because of the cuts he has on his head, he is admitted in the hospital. There, he is chased by another group of evil-looking-english-butchering men and the mystery woman saves him. They flee the scene in spectular french-movie-it-is-night-so-we-cannot-see-anything scene and in the morning, they arrive in a safe house. The mystery woman leaves him there for the things to cool down while she goes back waiting for the real Anthony to appear. Our schmuck waits for a few day and then gets fed up with the Teletubbies on the TV and decides to go out. So he picks some clothes (it`s summer and he is wearing black jacket and pants with a full-sleeves shirt) and goes out. Three twists and turns later, we find ourselves in yes another safe house (how DO they find them? www.safehouse.com?), with the schmuck face down with the russian mobsters pointing a gun at his face while the mystery lady-turned-cop is screaming for help, the russian gets shot by an off-scene sniper, the cops charge the scene, they clear the schmuck and the mystery-lady and they all drink lemonade. The end.

The movie is lacking the tension and is way too predictable. There are only three characters in the whole plot and the riddle who is anthony gets solved way too quickly. From then on it`s a silly thriller-for-the-americans movie, riddled with factual and other errors. There is no meaningless fuck scene (which is actually a shame) and the whole thing feels more like a TV movie than a full-screen theater release. Erase and rewind.