Unlike the spinning best penetrator of the 05/06 blog season, I recently saw the original, where Sharon is young and and Michael Douglas looks like a punk. After hearing so much noise about this movie I expected nothing less than a Lord of the rings meets Star wars meets Philadephia meets Shrek meets Saving private Ryan. With lots of sex. Basicaly, you see this movie and you die. Twice.

Sadly (or luckily) I was thoroughly disappointed.

You all know the plot so I will not waste time describing it. And if you are ignorant of it, stay that way. It`s better for everybody.

The thing is, this movie constituted MFSs. MFSs? Meaningless Fuck Scenes. You see them in almost every hollywood production that is rated anything higher than a PG13. Basically, it covers up the stupidity of the director and the script writer and at the same time adds precious minutes that are needed for a long-reel (90+ minutes) movie.

It`s like these people never saw two people making love. Or having sex. Or fucking like rabbits. Whatever floats your boat. In Basic instinct meaningless fuck scenes (MFSs) are long half a minute tops. It`s like uh-uh-uh and he`s out. Or she`s done. Or both.

Another thing is the infamous pussy shot. Which I thought lasts for several minutes in bright Technicolors while three blinking arrows are pointing at it. In reality it happens in under a second. Big fucking deal.

The plot is very predictable. Everybody say everything three times, as if the audience is so stupid, they would not get it the first time. “She`ll just say that she would have to be really stupid to describe a murder in her book and then murder somebody exactly the same way” rolls around for almost an hour. The bizzare thing is that murder-by-the-book is exactly what happens.

All in all, a waste of time. And a DVD.

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